Well, maybe its not sunlight at the end of the tunnel but maybe its a flashlight, which will work if it has batteries. I'm at the end of my first trimester. I don't actually feel like it's getting any better but I'm praying that it will. This is my first post so I'm going to get off my chest what I haven't been able to get out for the passed three months due to not wanting to burden anyone with my complaints (not like anyone will listen without putting their 2 cents in which just pisses me off more...).
I just want to say that if you are an angry person before you get pregnant, be prepared to become the Rath of Khan when it happens. My poor husband, he is so sweet to me and all I can do is complain, cry and yell (at other people). I wonder how women do this without a supportive husband...I couldn't do it. I hate the world now, everything disgusts me and OMG the smells!!!! I come home everyday from work and the house STINKS! But I cant find the culprit so everyday I come home, gag, then run to the bedroom hoping it wont smell, gag again, then sit in my closet and cry because I cant relax in my own home. Things that slightly bothered you before will multiply by 10 fold! My road rage is impossible to control, I've cut off/flipped off/screamed at/honked at soooo many people lately...I'm kinda afraid I'm going to get shot one of these days.
I love when you're in the check out line and you feel super nauseous so you're taking deep breaths and you have a look on your face that says reads "I'm pissed" but your not pissed at the line, your pissed at the fact that you're about to throw-up, and the cashier says "I'm working as fast as I can ma'am." and then you have to explain to them that your pregnant (which makes you feel like you're gloating) and then they say "Oh how far along are you?" (all sweet and cuddly) and you tell them and they stare at you like "Oh." because it's very early in the pregnancy and you're already showing.
Being pregnant can be compared to being 19 or 20 at a family reunion where everyone is either 12 or 40+...you don't really fit in anywhere. Your unprego friends don't understand the shit your going through and they are like "lets go downtown!!" and your like "Yay! Tonic water no vodka for me!" and then you fall asleep at 9pm. If you meet people with kids who are your age they are usually pretty boring; they don't drink at all and they dont cuss (at least the moms don't, which is lame and it seems uncouth to hang out with the guys outside when the women are sitting in the air-conditioned living room with their runts running around). Or your last choice is to hang out with your mom and her friends. Which can be cool until you try to talk about what your going through and all they say is "You shouldn't have gained so much weight yet" or "That's not normal"...that's what I want to hear "that's not normal", well people on the internet say its normal!
What ever, I'm sick of pregnancy and all the advice...can we fast forward 6 months?
Oh my sweet little Krantzi=pants... I am so sorry you are feeling so alienated & out of place. I can only imagine how hard it is to be in a new place and away from your besties during such an experience.
ReplyDeletePlease know that you are a fabulous person, and I am going to be JUST as crazy when I get prego (you know this)! This post breaks my heart because all I want is for you to be happy!
I will be there soon, my dear... and we can do all sorts of things that don't involve drinking :) LOVE YOU!!
Jessi-
ReplyDeleteYou describe it so beautifully, I could not have put it into better words myself. I know exactly how you feel, just last night I sat in a pool of useless tears and screamed at Chuck, while choking on sobs, about how much I hated being pregnant already and how I felt so isolated and alone... if only Star Trek were now and we could beam back and forth to understanding and support of more normal prego ego's.
You are going to be a beautiful, caring and awesome Mama, I have no doubt about that, and as you say, there is hope for you yet! Finished with faze one and onto faze two which "they" say is the best part of the whole ordeal.. and "they" (the internet) have been pretty good at predicting most of my ailments so far.
I love you beautiful, chin up.. it's so nice you have Tabatha coming to visit you too, that will be a refreshing comfort for you, friends are supa importante right now :)
I know you wont check this for a while sweetheart but I want to let you know anything you need let me know. I know that it feels like im always at work but I am always thinking of you. Just know that anytime you think I don't care, think again.
ReplyDeleteLove you soooo much,
Flip